Coming Out of the Closet...

Lesson Three


Don't Underestimate the Importance of Having an Organized Closet
Pages 337-349

(Sorry to disappoint but I am not coming out of the closet and snatchin' your peoples up. I am sporting a new nail color by Essie-Chinchilly-Chip-Free-You're Welcome Martha!)


Hoarders...Where do I begin?!? My obsession with hoarders began once again with Ms. Oprah Winfrey. O was the first to break the dirty secret of hoarding. She had a show with a woman I can only compare to Miss. Havisham in 'Great Expectations.' She had a set table with rotting food, a lone bird flying around (my Dante's inferno-I hate birds!), tons of animals that she allowed to defecate anywhere including her bed and ceiling to walls of stuff-yes, just stuff! The O in typical O fashion hired a cleaning crew that clawed objects and garbage from Miss. Havishams' claws. The head of the cleaning crew stated, "If she does not get help, the clutter will return." This last quote became a mantra for my brother and I. The Mingucci siblings have been known to find a saying, a quote, a word and blast it on repeat. ('I want DRINK', 'I can't see but I can fight', 'Black lace'...Etc.)

When I opened my closet, I heard my brother in my head, "If she doesn't get help. The clutter will return." I was hoarding! Granted a very beginner level of hoarding but my father's genes were blazing in Apt. 4B. My closet was overwhelmed with mismatched stilettos, French Connection dresses off the hanger, 4 year old UGG boots and a random DVD of Britney/Kevin Chaotic. I needed Martha and there she was with basic advice for sorting, organizing and maximizing one's closet. But first please click this link to view video of my favorite hoarder:
http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/video/index.jsp?bcpid=44241147001&bclid=34050160001&bctid=599515363001&baseURL=/bcconfig/Player/3Tier/Hoarders_3Tws/config-xml/&baseDIR=/bcplayers/Player/3Tier_ws/baseDIR/

Oh the 'hoarders' of my closet!

Martha recommends to begin by sorting. I love this task! It is like that Memory Card Game where you flip over the cards and try to find the matching pair. I am not good at finding a love match but matching a pair of stilettos is in my blood. The four categories Keep, Repair/ Clean, Discard and Giveaway are clearly labeled and the tossing into piles begins. I of course flash back to Sex and the City, the FIRST movie and only one that matters, where the girls sorted Carrie's closet:




I may not have a collection of 80's couture but I do have a collection of shoes. I am talking a foot wardrobe that consists of flip-flops, ballet flats, boots, stilettos, gladiator sandals, rain boots and slippers. Pair by pair I slowly began to group every piece of footwear with it's respective kind:









Onto the clothing...My heart flutters at the purchase of apparel. Shockingly more than a shoe purchase! A clothing purchase actually gets me Renee Zellweger 'Sugar High!' As a result, I had an overflowing chest of drawers and closet with dangling garments. I had to channel my sister-in-law, "Throw it out!" I was tough! Demi Moore in GI Jane tough. I parted with clothing that I have not worn in years and made space for new pieces I forgot I had in buried in my closet. As Martha suggests, I then further sorted my 'Keep' pile into items that are similar. T-shirts, Tank Tops, Hoodies, Silk Blouses, Button-Downs, Dresses etc.

As I hung each item neatly onto my closet rack, a sense of calm washed over me. My wardrobe seemed new! I had moments of rediscovering old loves! A favorite LBD (Little Black Dress), the sweater I wore on my first date with Tomas, a missing pair of Michael Kors wedges and most importantly I made SPACE! I made space for NEW purchases. No one loves supporting our economy more than me! You're welcome Mr. Obama! (As a thank-you please feel free to send Tipper-Tap a hot relative in a Ralph Lauren three-piece suit-YOU WELCOME!)

• Difficulty-2 out of 5. (It is just piles. Put this here and that there.)
  
• Execution-I am giving myself my first A. I actually parted with items and organized the keepers. If I only I could do this in my love life!
  
• Fun Factor-I blasted a hot top 40 mix with moments from Britney to Glee! This truly made this task faboosh!
  

ONTO LESSON NUMBER 4!!
(I promise to keep my promise and post my first Vlog featuring J. Thacks and answering the question, Where did I find this embroidered hand towel?!?)